Breathe Me
by ButZayaKissed
Summary: Pain is the only thing that makes Cam feels alive. Warning: self-harm trigger. Reenacts Cam's feelings after falling from the ledge in Rusty Cage pt. 2. Song-fic: Breathe Me by Sia -ONE-SHOT


Pain is the only thing that makes Cam feels alive. Warning: self-harm trigger. Reenacts Cam's feelings after falling from the ledge. Song-fic: Breathe Me by Sia

Cam stood on the edge of the railing. The one he knew was dangerous and the one that could seriously hurt him, if he fell. He didn't care, he wanted out. He needed something to alleviate the pain he felt inside. He didn't want to play hockey anymore. He was sick of being everyones' pawn.

_"You're a loser Cam, no one likes you. You're not a hockey star. You don't have what it takes. Not good enough." _His mind coaxed him into committing the act.

He threw himself off the edge and felt all the breath leave his body.

The worst part is he had felt better in that moment than he had felt in a long time.

_Help, I have done it again _

_I have been here many times before_

When he felt physical pain, everything made more sense. Finally the pain he was experiencing within himself had found a way to the surface. He could cry; cry the way he'd been crying inside for the past few months.

_Hurt myself again today_

_And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame_

_Just a broken arm… _Cam mocked. "You can't even hurt yourself correctly!" Dark, depressing thoughts continued to flood his brain. Cam wished it had hurt him more, he wished he wouldn't have to play hockey ever again. Or possibly do _anything_ ever again...

_Be my friend _

_Hold me, wrap me up_

"We're **all you have**." The words echoed in his head like a broken-record.

_Unfold me _

_I am small_

Cam began to let tears fall as he entered the hospital. Everyone thought it was because he was in pain, and that was true. But not physical pain, he was in emotional pain. He couldn't handle all this stress. Degrassi was ruining him. He was all alone.

_I'm needy _

He wasn't a good hockey player, anymore. Cam wasn't used to not succeeding, especially in hockey. For a while he loved hockey, it was his favorite thing in the world; but it'd just been a whirlwind since his arrival at Degrassi.

_Warm me up_

The paparazzi would question him when he succeeded and he'd receive hate from the school and his teammates when he didn't. There was no happy medium in sight.

_And breathe me _

Cam never asked for this. He never asked to be the fifteen year old who already had his life planned out for him. A life in the NHL, a life of fortune and fame. If you told Cam at age twelve that he was going to be one of the youngest kids **_ever,_** to be recruited for the NHL, he would've jumped for joy.

But Cam wasn't that boy anymore. Somewhere along the way he had lost his passion for hockey. He didn't know when or where, but he figured it was somewhere in-between the transition from middle-school to high-school.

_Ouch I have lost myself again _

Once high-school arrived, everything became more intense. Hockey had turned from a hobby into a lifestyle.

_Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,_

That was the last thing he wanted. He didn't want that. Campbell Saunders wanted to be a normal teenager. He wanted to be able to choose his own destiny; make his own decisions and mistakes. But instead Cam was stuck here, in his own personal hell. Hockey had made his life hell.

_Yeah I think that I might break _

_I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe_

"Do this, don't do that, you're doing it wrong, you're a shit player." The phrases repeated in his head every two seconds and there was only one thing he could make of it. The one thing he **_could_** figure from all of this was that he **_wasn't_** good enough. For **_anyone_** or **_anything_**.

_Be my friend _

_Hold me, wrap me up _

Finally he had stopped crying and a sling was placed around his arm. A sling that reminded him how stupid he had been; he had tried to harm himself.

_Unfold me _

_I am small_

"An accident." He'd say, if anyone asked. "Just a clutz." Cam would laugh it off, but if anyone knew the real motive behind his broken arm they would know it was the best accident of his life.

_I'm needy _

He had finally escaped from hockey; his tragic fate….for now….

_Warm me up _

_And breathe me _


End file.
